… and not in a cute “i have the ugliest thighs ever” way.
the “what were my parents thinking when they got together – they should’ve thought shit through” way.
the “i bet i could smell your bullshit from a continent away” way.
the “i should get rhinoplasty” way.
i searched on instagram DAILY for a makeup artist’s new and improved ways to slim my nose,
to make it appear narrower,
to make it appear prettier,
to make it appear European-er.
I had to stop myself because it was damaging.
it is damaging.
it still damages.
What am I running away from?
I am Dominican for Christ-sake!
I am African, Taina, and Spanish.
All three roots, “races”, and influences, embedded in my permanent DNA.
Instagram cannot European-ize me.
M.A.C. cannot European-ize me.
I* cannot European-ize me.
So, I’m done.
Putting the phone down,
throwing the magazines away,
tuning the media out.
My nose is about 2.5 centimeters wide.
2.5 centimeters of merengue,
2.5 centimeters of bachata,
2.5 centimeters of me.
I HATED my fucking nose… but not anymore.